*I make no promises to restrain myself for future seasons.
Like last season, my 10 year old son Kai will be contributing to these recaps with his thoughts on the episodes (which will display in a red font), & he's decided he'll make Vines with the LEGO throughout the season as well - if you'd like to see what a 10 year old Vines, you can check him out here.
The second Blood vs Water season begins the same way the first did - with the pairs experiencing a "Day Zero" - one night together before the game really starts.
We begin to meet the pairs - Jaclyn, former Miss Michigan, says of her & Jon: "I don't want people to hate us & think we're this crazy perfect couple." I don't know, you guys look pretty generic to me.
Already I'm having flashbacks to last season.
Then there's former MLB star & infamous ranter John Rocker, & his girlfriend,
Rocker starts talking, & in the cast videos I was struck by how much Danny McBride actually sounds like him as Kenny Powers, but throughout this whole episode, every single time Rocker said something:
1. I couldn't understand a word, &
2. He sounds exactly like Harold, the bass singer of The Statler Brothers. I'll be waiting for him to break out into Flowers on the Wall at every moment.
Baylor & Missy are Mother-Daughter cheerleaders.
We meet real bros Drew & Alec, the lead singers for Collective Soul & Dishwalla, respectively.
Father & Daughter Dale & Kelley are hoping to strengthen their sometimes rocky relationship.
The we meet boyfriends & Broadway performers Reed & Josh, and with the new No-Talking-Survivor-on-Social-Media rule the current players have to follow, I'm beyond bummed because can you imagine a Hold Up, Bro remake voiced by these guys? I'm dying. DYING.
Maybe my favourite part of the premiere is when Probst tells us in a voiceover that they both perform on Broadway, & then clarifies which Broadway with "In New York". THANKS, JEFF. Josh shares that Reed gave him flint for their first Valentine's Day & I'M DONE I LOVE THESE TWO. <3
Jeremy & Val are my other out-of-the-gates favourites, & the fact that Val sounds like a much less-neurotic Mindy Lahiri only has a little bit to do with that.
I never watched The Amazing Race when The Twinnies were on, so all I know is that Nadiya & Natalie were polarizing. I tend to like people that other people dislike, so we'll see how this works out. But I adore their style.
Keith & Wes are Father-Son firefighters.
I can't understand them when they speak, either. Thankfully, I may have help this season.
@MomOfKai Instead of live tweeting, will I need to subtitle the southerners for you guys?
— James B. McDaniel (@peppermintfatty) September 25, 2014
After their night together, everyone comes together & Probst acts like he doesn't know anyone's names again. He separates the loved ones into 2 tribes, Coyopa and Hunahpu, & asks each tribe to put up someone for a one-on-one Reward Challenge. Winner brings flint & beans back to their camp, and the loser goes to Exile Island, which is back this season. Rock Paper Scissors decides which tribe puts up someone first - Hunahpu wins & Jeremy volunteers. Probst asks if he wants to know who he's competing against.
Surprise! It's your wife! These two are super competitive & it makes me want to play board games with them. Jeremy wins, and gets emotional about sending his wife to Exile. Probst tells him to pick one person from Hunahpu to send with Val to Exile, & he picks Keith - my first thought was "Go yourself!", but it's not clear if that was even an option, let alone a choice Jeremy would have made. Kai has other opinions.
"I would have picked another girl to send with my wife because what if they fall in love? They're alone...on an island...that's romantic, right? And I know she's not a lesbian because she married a man."
Hunahpu flocks around Jeremy back at camp. He won them food & fire, he's a firefighter...he's beloved & trusted right away.
Over at Coyopa, everyone is much younger than Dale, who's already feeling ostracized. Dale fixes that.
On Exile Island, Val & Keith come across 2 urns for them to open. Val's has an Idol clue in it, Keith's is empty. Keith tells Val he hasn't been North of Arkansas.
Silly Keith - if you're in Massachusetts all you have to do is wait for The Rice Fairy to show up & give you guidance.
Keith finds out that Jeremy is a firefighter, and is now optimistic about forming a bond with Jeremy when he gets back to Hunahpu.
The majority of Hunahpu is frolicking in the water & Drew is wondering why nobody is helping him & Jon build the shelter. Jon says Yeah, where did everyone go? Drew says Love is in the water, love is in the air. Show me where to look, tell me will love be there? Jon scurries under the bamboo because weird. Drew reveals to us that he's kind of a big deal in Europe, in the modeling world. But he's not here to be a model. He's here to play Survivor. Julie thinks he's arrogant, so holy shit, that dude must be arrogant because she's dating John Rocker.
Rocker, meanwhile, has his cover blown by Wes, who, like his Dad, recognized him immediately.
At Coyopa, Josh's eyes are burning & irritated & somehow everyone decides there's poisonous sap in the greenery they used as roofing sometime in the day prior. Must have been mid-afternoon, as I could tell by how far the child's shadow stretched out, says Alec, and everyone is like Bro, just help us get rid of these leaves.
Time for the first Immunity Challenge, which involves scurrying around like possessed spider people from a Japanese horror movie, & retrieving bags with pieces to help each tribe scale 3 walls in 3 different ways. First tribe to reach the top & solve a puzzle wins the creepiest Immunity Idol ever.
"Way to give you nightmares, geez."
Coyopa has an early lead, as Rocker nails the rope ball catch thingy in what appears to be his third attempt, & helps his tribemates out by literally carrying them on his back, which makes for an awkward moment with Val.
"Why can't they just use those stairs on the side? I would use the stairs."
Spidey has no problem scaling the wall, obvs.
Coyopa begins their puzzle first, but Hunahpu solves it first. Their excitement is shortlived as it sinks in that their loved ones will go to Tribal Council. So far, there is no gloating from anyone in this season of Blood vs Water.
Back at Coyopa with a Tribal Council looming, Dale knows he's the only one who can make fire, but he also knows he's the oldest. He sets his sights on Nadiya as a target, as watching her on The Amazing Race showed she won't hesitate to backstab someone.
Nadiya tries to solidify an alliance with Josh, telling him she thinks the girls should work together - & to Nadiya, that includes Josh.
I cringe, & Josh reveals:
"Is she calling him a girl just because he likes boys? That's hashtag stupid, hashtag mean, hashtag sexist...wait - is that sexist or another ist?"
At Tribal Council, Nadiya furthers her ignorance by rationalizing everyone's love of Josh to him being "in-between the girls and the boys". Throughout this exchange, Rocker is presumably chewing off the inside of his cheeks trying to keep his mouth shut.
Time to vote, & Rocker votes Nadiya, saying to the camera, "I love you sweetheart, great personality" & you know in his head he's just Anyone who calls a gay guy a chick is cool in my books.
Nadiya is the first boot, & the only mystery is why Josh voted for Baylor.
I've said it before, but if you're not following along with the live-tweeters during Survivor, you're missing one of the reasons it's so fun to watch, which makes the new social media ban for the players all the more annoying. Interacting with the Survivors is one of the things that makes this, & Reality TV in general, uniquely engaging in a way that a lot of television isn't. Here are a few of my favourite tweets/tweeters from the night, so if you want to get started, start by following these guys:
#Survivor San Juan Del Stereotypes.
— Andy Dehnart (@realityblurred) September 25, 2014
Would you call their shelter Coyopa Cabana? Thanks folks, I'm here all night. #Survivor
— Melissa (@melgotserved) September 25, 2014
The tribe with the firefighter and the cute blonde and the girl from #TAR and the douchey bro from Florida wins the challenge! #SURVIVOR
— Max Dawson (@fymaxwell) September 25, 2014
John Rocker finally has a "black friend" all his remarks are annulled #SURVIVOR
— Ari Ferarri (@AriFerarri) September 25, 2014
why doesn't jaclyn have a bond with the guys? they don't have a uterus either!!! #survivor
— haley strong (@hstrong_) September 25, 2014
"Being divorced three times, I've learned to go with your gut. I've not learned to stop getting married." #Survivor
— Colin Stone (@colinstone) September 25, 2014
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