Wednesday, April 08, 2015

Survivor Worlds Apart - LEGO - Merica, Fuck No

The New Escameca tribe returns to camp after Tribal Council, & Rodney is missing his bro Joaquin.  Mike explains to Rodney that they felt Joaquin was the one pulling Rodney in & not the other way around. Rodney is like Hell No.

New Nagarote reads Tree Mail which basically screams "MERGE TIME" like a Weasley letter arriving at Hogwarts, & Will's like Mmmm, I don't know.  I think it's just a reward.

The tribes merge - much to Will's surprise - & they feast & everyone tries to take credit for making Joaqney happen while Rodney holds back his tears.

They head back to the chosen camp & find that nothing is left & they must start from scratch.  Mike immediately gathers wood, & reconnects with Kelly.  Joe fills his No Collars in on everyone from New Nagarote.  Jenn asks if Rodney is smart.

Rodney is smarter than his soundbites, though, & so begins his journey of vengeance against those who voted out his bro Joaquin.  His plan is to gather up Will, Kelly, & Carolyn to play with the Blues until they aren't needed.  Carolyn is still the closest with Tyler, & they know they have to keep their tight alliance a secret, as nothing panics these people more than a pair.

Dan gets stung by a jellyfish.  Jenn tells him to put his foot in hot water & somewhere Max rips a bunch of kale to shreds in frustration (& then hand massages in olive oil & balsamic vinegar because lolololol at Max wasting kale).  I mean, we're all agreed that Dan's feet have to be more gross than Max's feet, right?  Shirin offers to pee on Dan's foot & <3 <3 <3.

Then they pick a merge name & I CAN'T EVEN.  The only redeeming quality about the tribe name Merica is that it's slightly easier to swallow than the #Dirty30 hashtag this cast (& every lush 29 year old planning a birthday party) is intent on trying to make happen.

Hali goes on about her love for the Constitution for an absurdly long time - the Constitution MUST be her Number 1 passion.  I'm petitioning for a National Treasure 3, where Nicolas Cage tries to take the Constitution away from Hali.

"I'm going to steal the Constitution."

The Immunity Challenge is the hold-on-to-the-pole one, & Jenn gets a bee sting "in a sensitive area", Rodney holds onto his pole like it's Joaquin, & Probst doesn't disappoint either.

Joe is amazebuns in this challenge & never drops from the top spot on his pole & wins Immunity.  Somewhere, Vince lights some incense, sits in silence, & searches for the truth of what Joe has that he doesn't.  Man bun?  Check.  Abs?  Check.  Ability to resist smelling the hair of ladies around him?  Che...oh, there it is.  Once again, I'd be remiss if I didn't remind everyone that we were robbed when Vince was voted out.

Back at camp, the Blue Collars decide to vote for Jenn, but they tell Will to vote for Hali, so they'll know whether they can trust him or not.  Shitty deal for Will.

The No Collars decide to vote out Kelly, & Shirin is on board with that.  Mike talks to Tyler, who is well aware that the White Collars are swing votes.  Or, "swingers", as he puts it.

Jenn tells Hali they need to find out which of them will be targeted, because she has an idol to play.  Hali says, "How did you get it?"  This is a future criminal defense attorney & she asked this question in the middle of a game that has idols literally everywhere for anyone to find.  Great job, MERICA.

At Tribal Council, the vote is still very much up in the air.

Time to vote, Probst asks if anyone wants to play an idol, & Jenn plays hers, for herself.  She doesn't even seize the opportunity to say Hold Up, Bro, as a double Survivor callback, though.  And she calls herself a Survivor fan.  The Blue Collar alliance looks crestfallen, & it's clear that Jenn made the right call once the votes are read, as Will's vote for Hali is the only one not for Jenn.  The No Collar alliance stuck with their decision to vote out Kelly, & out Kelly goes.

Kelly leaves the Tribal Council area immediately.

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